Category Archives: Blog

Gender roles and its shenanigans!

Don’t judge the title, coming up with titles are ridiculously difficult!

Lately, it seems everyone has been going ballistic about gender roles. There is a certain “silent war” between Feminists (both male and female), “Meninists” (both male and female), and the younger and older generations, Men and Women, Religious/Believers and Unreligious/Unbelievers…the list is endless.

Before you ask me, I do not stick to one of these groups, at least not that I know of.

www.wierdlings.com

Sometime ago, there was a clip floating on Facebook and other sites, of a very well known Nigerian Preacher. In that clip, he was quoted that women should not marry a jobless man and men should not marry a woman who cannot cook or pray in the spirit for an hour. People lost it! Some were out rightly calling him names, some were on his side, and some were in between, while some of us really did not and do not care!

I ask myself, “Why do gender roles cause so much ruckus?” According to hesperian.org, “Fulfilling the roles expected by the community can be satisfying and can give a woman a sense of belonging and success. But these roles can also limit a woman’s choices, and sometimes make her feel less valued than a man. When this happens, everyone-the woman herself, her family, and her community-suffers.” The problem highlighted in this sentence, is where I think the problems of gender roles lay.

I grew up in Nigeria. Nigeria is a culturally dynamic country, but there are some factors that cut across all the different cultures in the world. Some of those factors are: religion, gender roles, respect for elders and probably respect of the husband from the wife (not necessarily vice versa) and so on. These have existed for centuries in many countries, passed down from one generation to another, refined, modified, recalculated and presented in different forms. But one cannot deny the fact that gender roles are deeply rooted in the foundations of a lot of countries. It is the reason Hillary Clinton is the first woman to be nominated by her party to contest in the Presidential elections, it is the reason men still earn more than women in the same position (forbes.com), it is the reason people would say to a woman: “No matter how many degrees you earn, you’ll still end up in the kitchen!” or to a man: “you are the husband, you need to provide all the needs of the wife”, the reason a man would beat up his wife because she is “disrespectful” towards him, or “whatever I say in this house is final, I am your husband, you do what I say!”.

Theodysseyonline.com

On the other hand, I still believe in certain gender roles, please don’t have my head!I believe there is a reason we were created in different bodies and there is a reason those bodies cannot all do the same things naturally (I hear men can get pregnant and give birth now). When I say body, I mean everything inside and outside the body. From the mind, to the heart, to the physical reproductive organs and the bone structures-all of it! The only thing I blatantly refuse, is when one gender is deemed more important than the other-no, we’re all equal.

Life is set up in a way whereby one cannot be by one’s self. We all need the other person. To have the other person in your life, you have to love them and respect them the way you do yourself or you want to be done unto you, regardless of your age or gender- ha! The famous “Golden Rule”.

Lastly, a few things:

-I think a man should equally be able to pray in the spirit for an hour, if his woman can.

-A man should definitely not be jobless when ready for marriage; the same applies to a woman.

-A man should be able to whip up a meal for himself and his family and also help out at all times even if his wife is more than willing to be in the kitchen always.

-Men are not wired to cheat and women wired to be faithful. We are adults, we make our own decisions to cheat or not.

-Men are not the only ones that crave respect, women do too-as much as men, if not more- I know I do.

-Women are not the only ones that crave love and attention, men do too- as much as women.

-Women are not the ones to raise the children; the PARENTS are to raise the children.

-Men can still open doors for women and pay on a date, without thinking women are the “weaker gender”, loosen up, ladies!

-Women can still cook most of the time, without thinking she’s less than her husband and vice versa.

-Women are not the only ones who can be physically and sexually molested.

-Men are not the only ones who can get arrogant and dominant in relationships.

There are many more roles and misconceptions generally assigned to each gender, I say, take the role of the opposite gender and PLAY it like your life depends on it! It’ll make the world easier for each person.

Fabius Maximus Website

Finally, it is our duty as parents and the whole society (It takes a village to raise a child, right?), to not raise daughters based on these archaic beliefs and gender roles. It is our duty to raise sons and daughters who love and respect and help each person, equally, regardless of their Gender!

Relationships And Social Media

Happy Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!!

Something has been on my mind of late- Relationships! Exciting eh? I know it! I got in an argument about the idea of having your relationship splattered across social media pages and it prompted me to type this piece.

When people talk about relationships and Social Media, the most seemingly reasonable things we’ll hear them say are things like: “Keep your relationship away from Social Media”, “Healthy relationships do not seek attention”, etc.

These things are actually somewhat true, so this isn’t a rant to debunk the smartness behind this thought pattern. It is a rant to draw us in a little bit closer to a pretty touchy topic.

The other day, and when I say other day, I mean, about a year or two ago, I noticed two people who are old school mates being cozy and a little overly friendly on Instagram. Few months later, I noticed that on Twitter, one of them would go on rants about “walking away from negativity” and the likes. On the other hand, the other party was posting “turn up” pictures, emojis and the likes everywhere. Later, the coziness disappeared! Can someone say I witnessed the beginning and end of their relationship? Most likely…I could be wrong, so I stand corrected.

image found on presidentialstyleonline.com

There are a few reasons (that I’d agree to for keeping relationships off social media):

A. It’s easy to generate a false sense of identification in a relationship. If posting your relationship is the main way you identify yourself as a “partner” in a relationship then you’re in the wrong! When being together is so “basic” and boring that posting evidence(s) of your relationship on social media and generating attention from there makes you identify yourself as “a partner”, well bros/sistuh, go for a reevaluation!

B. Too much Virtual PDA would make people dislike you as a person and as a couple! That is as plain as I can tell it. You can think “Who cares what people think?!” my answer is: “isn’t that one of the reasons you’re posting and won’t let us rest?” I know I sound like a hater but it’s the truth. According to a study done by Researchers, my point is correct!

image from thecontextofthings.com

C. Nobody can say they know anything per se about your relationship. Your aunty won’t keep asking “when is he proposing?” under all you guys’ pictures, and his or her ex won’tbe able to stalk you or find clues to sabotage your relationship. My mom says “What is covered is protected”!

D. Your time spent with each other might be more genuine, deeper, and maybe more meaningful. Think about it, how much more genuine are you when you don’t have an audience? Probably a lot more…Your followers on social media are your audience members!Although the following reasons to NOT post your relationship on social media are valid, it’s okay for your social media presence to NOT be completely void of your “romantic relationship status”.
I personally, have never been a fan of exposing my personal life aka “relationship life” on social media but lately, I’m okay with being a little bit more open with it, I honestly don’t know why.

There are a few reasons and methods that seem sane to me; I’dthrow them out there:
1. Excitement. When you’re with the right person, and you’re happy and it’s mutual, you want to share with your social media “family”. Key word is “share”, not “overshare”. Toomuch of anything is definitely not good.

2. It might help you learn a bit more about your partner. You would think spending time with someone fosters that, not social media right? That’s not so accurate in our generation. See, we are full on in the digital age so we might as well accept it as a way and part of our lives-social media included. We always hear about people stepping out on their partners via social media, and this is true. Is your partner always posting suggestive pictures to get attention? Are they busy flirting on social media? These are actual valid issues that could come up in your relationship. Therefore, your relationship having somewhat of a social media presence can be helpful.

3. This one is tricky, petty but valid- Marking your territory! Let’s keep it real; Men and ladies don’t stop setting major thirst traps on social media. Your relationship might not completely stop people from sliding into your/partner’s DM, thirsting in the comment section, but it’ll curb it to some extent. Also, it’ll also help foster the second example above.I’d stop here. Regardless of any of the things named above, do what you’re comfortable with,enjoy your relationship and pay attention to your partner!

What are your thoughts?

Have a great weekend everyone!!!

“Saber la diferencia entre el oro y chapado”

The other day, I was snooping around on my phone- my Blackberry Messenger app to be precise. Although, a lot of people around this part of the world don’t use Blackberry phones anymore, the Blackberry phones and messenger app have always been and are still big hits in Nigeria. I’ve lived outside Nigeria for years now, but I’m stuck on my BBM, can’t let go, and won’t let go! Okay I digressed…a whole lot!

Anyway, my friend updated her status on BBM with a statement: “Saber la diferencia entre el oro y chapado”. We had an argument earlier that morning, so of course I thought the “status” was a subtle jab at me. I then went on Google translate to look up what it means, since I don’t speak Spanish. It simply means: the difference between gold and gold plated.
Now, remember I said I had gotten in an argument with this friend of mine, who put this up as a status. Therefore, like the “normal” person I am, I started processing what that status meant. “Am I gold plated or gold?!” You can’t blame me.

picture from Telegraph.co.uk
picture from Telegraph.co.uk

Let’s dig in a bit:

Some characteristics of gold: It lasts forever. There are no two ways to gold. It holds its worth forever, it does not diminish, nor does it tarnish. It’s pretty expensive and therefore, not everyone can afford it.

Some characteristics of gold plated: It is cheap! Everyone can own one. It “appears” to be actual gold. The difference is that there is the barest minimum amount of gold right on the surface of any other metal. It diminishes and tarnishes over time, and the base metal used usually has bad effects on the skin- rashes, green skin, etc.

According to http://www.heirlume.co/blogs/gift-guide/9506971-the-ultimate-guide-to-differentiate-solid-filled-and-plated-gold-jewelry , “Solid gold jewelry is the most desired and retains its resale value for longer periods of time versus gold plated or gold filled jewelry. Prices may be daunting, but remember – purchasing a solid gold piece of jewelry is an investment. In the long run, you could end up spending just as much re-purchasing costume jewelry that’s wearable as you would have buying one quality piece of solid gold jewelry.”

You’re wondering why I’m talking about gold jewelries right? Think about it: There are people in our lives who are gold and some who are just gold plated!

Picture found on pint rest.com
Picture found on pint rest.com

If you replace the “gold” with “people” in the aforementioned comparisons, then it’ll make sense. People who are “gold” are “solid people”. They don’t pretend to be who they are not. They are not sweet at the beginning stages of meeting them, then become mean, manipulative, and all shades or negative later- that’s for people who are “gold plated”.
Not everybody can have a “gold” person, you need to be a “gold”, not a “gold plated” to have a gold person. Basically, we need to strive to be a better version of ourselves as much as possible. We need to be the kind of friend we want to have. We need to keep it real always. At the end of the day we’re all a work-in-progress.

It is said, that purchasing a solid gold piece is an investment. That means, working hard to be a better person and stepping up to be whom a “gold” person deserves, is an investment. You’ll benefit from it on the long run, and your “gold” person would benefit from it too.

Lastly, check yourself, are you Gold or Gold-plated?

Back at it Again!

Happy New Year!!!

Hello!! Anybody there?!!

Anyone??!!

Of course nobody is here…my last post was in December 2014. It was the last time I did anything on this website. The last time I looked at the theme. The last time I remotely tried to type up a post.
It’s been a mix of fear, procrastination, laziness, and life. But hey, I’m back- hopefully back for good!

I’m sitting at my departure gate- B19 at the Ronald Reagan Airport, flying back home to Michigan. My flight has been delayed twice, which means I don’t get home till later, which further means, I’m not going to get enough sleep tonight, which then means I’m probably going to be cranky at work tomorrow, which means…I can go on forever! This whole thing got me thinking.

Life really never goes the way we plan, but we always just have to make do with what we have and make things happen. I’d give you an example: I went back to graduate school and got a degree in Multimedia Journalism, conquered every single challenge that came at me, like a boss!, graduated well, went back to Nigeria for a little celebratory vacation, came back to the US. I came back with the hope of jump starting my career: writing up a storm about everything, editing, traveling and the likes…that did not happen. In fact, nothing close to it happened. Now you can understand why I pretty much dropped of the surface of “the word press”!

Although, I do not work for a news agency or on a Communications team (Please don’t ask me what I do. Yes, I have a job-a full time job!), I realize I have my fingers and a computer and did I mention my way with words? I’ve got that too! Therefore, I’m back!

PS: Thank you to every single person that has hounded me, nagged me, pushed me and sorta-kinda-encouraged me to get to writing in my space and not just on other people’s blogs, I appreciate every gesture.
To everyone who has asked for my editing “services”, thank you and I’m still here.
Is there anything you want to see me write on? Drop a comment, shoot me an email, text, just reach out to me.

Thank you!!!